Nine Lives

I’ve met a girl, he said

That was three years ago

I died inside

I’ve met a lady, he said

That was yesterday

I died again

I’m scared, he said

Follow your heart, I said

Hoping it will lead him back to me

Seven lives left

Diary

I had my foot x-rayed this morning because it's been hurting me for a week. I thought it would go away but it feels worse today and is swollen. The x-ray didn't show anything, so I just have to wait. Coupled with neck pain, I feel quite fragile. I keep wondering how people live with pain? I think I'm about to become a single woman with a cat. The search is on for a kitten. I want a Devon Rex (see photo) but they are hard to find. I'll probably end up with a tabby! I'm looking forward to having an animal around again. Something new to observe is pretty exciting for me. I accepted an invitation to The Third Sector Excellence Awards. I'm going in my capacity of actress in Sarah's Story, because it's shortlisted for an award. Note to myself: buy a dress before a cat.

Diary

I've decided that it may be useful to keep a diary. I'm not sure who it will be useful to, perhaps only me? I might end up with thousands of readers, like Dr Mark Cato. I must contact him to ask how he did that. I woke up this morning really wanting to visit Highgate Cemetery . I'm reading 'Her Fearful Symmetry' by Audrey Niffenegger, which has made me curious about the cemetery. It's almost on my doorstep, yet I never knew much about it. I think it could be difficult to negotiate in a wheelchair though. I know I'd want to take photos too, which is impossible, due to my wimpy hands. I keep seeing stuff that I want to photograph recently. I know that I'll probably never see the cemetery and I think it would make me feel a bit ghoulish anyway. I went to Sainsburys supermarket instead. There's a pet shop near Sainsburys and I toyed with the idea of buying a kitten. I want a little companion to sit on my lap and make me feel that I'm the most important thing in it's life. Being realistic, it will more than likely hate my lap and I'll get irritated by cat hair everywhere. Things to do this week: sort out my neck pain and stop obsessing about my 'ex-bf' (although I never called him my boyfriend at the time). Over and out.

Trapped

They said that my body would stop working
I thought they were lying
I was just like everybody else
With a new life kicking in my belly
They had to be wrong

I was forced to believe
When I couldn’t turn a key
Or cut strawberries
I tried to hide the carpet burn on my face
It was happening

Walking stick, frame to wheelchair
Independent, strong, woman, to baby
Fear followed me like a new shadow
I screamed ‘help me’
But no one could

They said I wouldn’t see my kids grow up
I think I’ve broken the rules
Because it’s stopped and I’m trapped
But I can still express myself
Which is everything